


Always and Forever

by dreyars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 22:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreyars/pseuds/dreyars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since elementary school, Reon had always been a constant in Ushijima's life.  Even after everything began to change, and they began to grow, Reon was always there. Calm, level-headed, and steady.  And Ushijima dared far enough to say that he loved these things about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always and Forever

Steady. Like the count of a metronome keeping the beat of a slow song.

Like footsteps walking at your side when you have nowhere you need to go.

A stream in early summer, flowing at a lazy pace comfortable enough to float on.

Steady as the count of one…two…three.  Always there, slipping into his life without even realizing it and staying, without fail, even when he was too distracted to care.

Reon. The perfect definition of steady in Ushijima’s life.  He was always the constant that Ushijima desired, but didn’t realize he already had.  Ushijima had always wanted some sort of peace, someone he could turn to when life moved too fast for him to handle.

Maybe that was Reon too.  A speedbump in his path, forcing him to slow down when his tunnel vision got too narrow to see anything but what was directly in front of him.

Reon…He really had always been there, even when Ushijima was too self-centered to notice it.

They had met sometime in early elementary school. Maybe in the first grade, or even the second, but Ushijima couldn’t really recall the exact time Reon slipped into his life. Having him at his side was just became so natural that imagining his life before was just unthinkable. 

But still, Ushijima couldn’t really remember much of their early friendship, even though Reon was Ushijima’s first real friend. The same year they met was the year Ushijima’s parents separated, and later divorced.  Ushijima was too small to really understand what was happening, but he did understand that he wouldn’t be able to see his father anymore except on his birthday.  His mother didn’t let him go out to play as much after that, preferring to keep him at home to work on his academics and other skills that had lagged behind when Ushijima was too upset to pay attention in class.  The small group of friends Ushijima gathered that year dissipated, no longer interested when he couldn’t even come out to play at the park for 30 minutes after school ended.

They all disappeared.  His friends, his father, everyone.

Everyone except Reon.

When his other friends stopped asking him to play, Reon continued, always smiling and always welcoming even after one hundred no’s. He was the only one who tried. The only one that wanted to be friends with Ushijima so badly that his rejections never ended with a frown or a rude remark, but rather a ‘maybe next time then!’ before Reon would hug him and go to play with another group of kids.

Ushijima wanted so badly to play with him. To at least have the one friend. But his mother still said no, not allowing him to stay or go out and play until his grades improved.

It took him until the end of the school year to catch up to the rest of his peers.  But still, Ushijima thought it must have been worth it because he was allowed to spend the night with his new friend on the last night of the school year.

It was also worth it because Reon was still here, by his side, 10 years later.

_Ten years._

Ushijima couldn’t believe it as he watched his friend studying across the table in the library.  They were both supposed to be studying, but Ushijima was torn between trying to stuff another fact about physics into his head or simply continuing to stare at the way Reon’s reading glasses were slipping down his nose as he mouthed out the words in the textbook he was reading.  It had been a few years now since Ushijima and Reon were actually in the same class, but they always studied together despite that fact. 

Or at least, they tried to study. 

No, even that was inaccurate.  Reon always studied when he was supposed to.  His dedication towards academics was the exact reason why Reon was in an upper level class and Ushijima remained on level.  It was always Ushijima who tended to try, and then fail to study during their nightly sessions.

The reasons for Ushijima’s distraction changed over the years, but his level of productivity stayed the same.  In middle school, Ushijima was more concerned with getting dinner and then getting to bed, rather than actually working on his homework.  When he moved to high school, his motivations stayed the same, but class times changed, causing the two hours he and Reon studied together to push into the time he normally reserved for watching professional matches on TV.  Reon wouldn’t let him leave, however, claiming that school was still the most important thing he should be focusing on (even if Ushijima disagreed).

This year, the cause of Ushijima’s distraction took a concerning turn away from volleyball.  Sometime in the summer, when Reon’s family invited Ushijima to join them on their family vacation, something must have changed.  It wasn’t like Reon had changed, and Ushijima didn’t really feel like he had either.  But maybe, something about their relationship did. 

When they returned to school for their fall classes and their study sessions resumed as they began focusing on entrance exams for college, Ushijima began noticing little things.  The thickness of Reon’s fingers as they flexed around his pen.  The light dusting of freckles that sprinkled across Reon’s nose and forehead, made more visible by the lights in the school library.  The way Reon never pushed his reading glasses back up his nose until Ushijima was sure they would just fall off.

Reon lifted a hand to his face to readjust his frames, and Ushijima jumped when Reon’s gaze flickered from his textbook to his face.

“Spacing out again, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima shook his head to distract from the fact that he had just been blatantly staring at his best friend.  He shivered at the deep rumble of Reon’s laugh, trying to ignore the way the sound warmed him right to the tips of his fingertips.

“Let me finish this chapter, okay? I have two pages left, then we can go get dinner.”

Ushijima nodded, trying to suppress the blush he knew was trying to appear on his face after Reon grinned at him before returning to his work.  Ushijima tried to shift his attention as well, hoping to possibly finish one more problem off of his physics homework before Reon completed his chapter.  He tried not to stare, but as he rolled his pencil between his fingers, his eyes lingered on the way Reon folded, then unfolded the corner of the page he was reading. 

It was times like these that Ushijima tried to suppress the intrusive thoughts that he figured must be inappropriate.  His curiosity as to how those fingertips would feel against the skin of his face, his back, his stomach.  They must be calloused like his own, after years of playing volleyball, with hardened skin that is still smooth to the touch.  Ushijima brushed his fingertips across the side of his own face as he sat and waited, and decided that even if Reon’s hands where in a similar state to his own, the feeling of his hands on his skin probably couldn’t compare to the feeling of Reon’s.

He wanted to ask, to experience it for just a second, but he knew he shouldn’t.  Ushijima had been told by his mother that he had an addictive personality.  If he had a taste of something he craved, whether it be a food, victory, or the sensation of his friend’s hands, he wouldn’t be able to let it go.

He wouldn’t be satisfied if it only happened once.

Ushijima couldn’t indulge himself in such thoughts any longer, and turned his attention back to his worksheets.  Doodling a small picture in the corner kept him as occupied as it possibly could with the sound of Reon’s deep breathing flooding his ears as he blessed the fact that Reon just turned to the last page.  It wasn’t like the sound of Reon’s breathing bothered him, rather it was quite the opposite.  He simply wanted to surround himself with more people.  To give him another thing to distract himself from the thoughts he couldn’t help but think about Reon.

The cafeteria would at least be crowded, even at this time of night, as people rolled in from their various practices, tutoring sessions, and club activities.  Shiratorizawa always kept its students busy so that they didn’t get into trouble after classes.  Ushijima and Reon didn’t need to stay in the dorms like all the other students, but after their first year at the school, they decided that it would be mutually beneficial to them both.  They would spend less time traveling with everything they needed simply being a few minutes’ walk from their dorm, and they both could spend more time with their friends and teammates, rather than rushing off home to make it back in time for dinner.

Ushijima and Reon shared a room, a curse and a blessing at the same time.  Their schedules were exactly the same, and they had been friends for years, so it made living together easy.  But since Ushijima’s revelations, it made sleeping a few feet apart difficult.

“Do you want to get dinner in the cafeteria, or take it back to the room?”

Ushijima picked his head up once more, clearly having missed the snap of Reon’s glasses case after he put his readers away.  Reon was still slipping his things back into his bag, and Ushijima moved to do the same.

“Cafeteria is fine.  The others may still be there.”

‘The others’ being members of their team who were not so apt to spend nearly every school nights plowing away in the library.  Yamagata’s dedication was always a toss-up, and if he had a test, he sometimes joined Ushijima and Reon on their study nights.  Tendou and Semi on the other hand usually only studied right before a test, if at all.  Tendou swore he learned all he needed to by listening, and Semi simply tended to forego studying in favor of taking a nap after practice.  Ushijima didn’t much care what they did, as long as they all passed so that they could play.

Their group was indeed still in the cafeteria when Ushijima and Reon joined them.  Tendou was loudly telling a story to the tables around them who would listen, while Semi nodded off with one hand under his chin.  Yamagata was busy ignoring the pair while quickly typing away on his phone, but he did look up and nod when Ushijima and Reon sat down across from him.

The table was too small, or they picked a bench that was too full to comfortably fit two large boys.  Ushijima was very aware of the way Reon’s thigh lightly pressed against his, although separated by their uniform pants.  They had been in similar situations on the bus to and from away games. With skin too hot to don their track suits, forced to brush bare skin against each other.  Ushijima was convinced Reon never noticed, so he never complained. But the contact, even separated now by layers of close, made his heart rate rise and his throat clench up.

Ignoring the feeling, Ushijima swallowed around the lump so that he could quickly finish dinner and return to his room for the night. Reon seemed to be of a similar state of mind, and they finished their meal quickly while their friends still pushed food around their plates.  Yamagata was quick to join them when they stood up to discard their trays, jostling Semi far enough into consciousness that he followed.  It took Tendou a while to realize that his group had departed, still wrapped up in his story as some first years nervously laughed at the joke he just tried to tell.  He caught up with them as they walked away from the building, whining about how they just left him behind without saying anything, even though he knew where to go.

Ushijima enjoyed moments like this.  Surrounded by his teammates that he even dared to call his friends.  In middle school, Reon remained as the only person he considered close enough to classify as a friend.  But with some of these guys, who were all handpicked to be on the same team, it wasn’t an option to not be friends.  Tendou had claimed him as a friend the day after they met, and long hours of training individually with both Semi and Yamagata during their first year automatically brought their bond closer than any he had felt in middle school.

But Reon. 

Reon was still closer to him than anyone else.  But that was to be expected really, with how long they had known each other and how much they’ve been through together.  They had seen each other’s highs and lows.  Their ugly sides, and the sides of themselves that no one else has really gotten to see. They’ve experienced victory and failure together.  Ushijima could not imagine for a second where he would be without Reon to keep him grounded.

That was just his personality.  Calm, level-headed, and steady.  And Ushijima dared far enough to say that he loved that.  He loved that part of Reon, even if he wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud.  He was a voice of reason that dared contradict him when he was being unreasonable, and he was a word of comfort when he felt low enough that no other person could make a dent in his walls.

Reon was different. Special even.  He was much more than a friend.

Ushijima wondered sometimes if maybe, his feelings for Reon had been constant.  He had known him for such a long time, and he doubted he felt this deeply since they met.  But, he also couldn’t recall when he didn’t feel this way.  He had just started noticing things more. Like the way his skin burned when Reon clapped a hand on his back after a good spike, or the way his chest puffed with pride when Reon showed his genuine smile towards him seconds after rejecting a girl from his class.

Those feelings where always there.

Ushijima just didn’t recognize them for what there were until it was nearly too late.

Ushijima didn’t know exactly what to do.  Since becoming aware of his feelings, Ushijima tossed about the idea of confessing, or simply continuing on with their current friendship.  Because they had gone through most of their adolescence together, Ushijima and Reon had been having conversations about relationships and attraction since middle school.  Their first time they talked about it, Reon led him to believe that he wanted a pretty girlfriend when he was old enough, and Ushijima agreed in an attempt to ignore the jealous twist in his heart that he didn’t understand at the time.  But as they got older, and grew into themselves as young adults, they disclosed to each other that maybe their interest did expand beyond pretty girls with long, smooth hair. 

Ushijima knew Reon felt the same as he did about men in a physical sense, but still.

Reon was the only person, male or female, that made Ushijima’s heart feel like it would fly out of his chest if he just got the chance to be with him in the way he desired.

But even then, Ushijima tried to convince himself he was content with just being friends.  As long as he got to remain close to Reon, he would be happy.

They parted with their friends at the front lobby of the boys’ dormitory. Semi kept walking without saying goodbye as he went off in search of his own bed, while Yamagata’s eyes went wide as he remembered he left his phone in the cafeteria before shouting that he hoped he didn’t throw it away again.  Tendou gave them a lazy wave as he sauntered off towards the first year’s wing to find his little Goshiki.  Ushijima rolled his eyes as Reon laughed, and then they turned to head upstairs to their own room.

The walk upstairs and down the hall was quiet, the only sound being the squeak of their feet against the linoleum.  Their room was at the end of the hallway, and Reon began digging in his bag to find his keys since he already knew Ushijima left his locked in again.  Ushijima had a bad habit of leaving his keys behind in their room, and Reon had given up scolding him for it.  Ushijima’s reasoning was that they were always together anyway.  The only time they weren’t, they were occupied with class, and students weren’t allowed back into the dorms except at lunchtime.

Ushijima grinned when he saw the keychain hanging from Reon’s fist.  He had one just like it, a carved wooden black bear that they had bought together in middle school on a class trip.  Reon had forgotten his spending money at home, but Ushijima still wanted him to have a souvenir from the excursion.  When Reon suggested buying something they could share together, Ushijima couldn’t resist the small little keychains that no one else in their class had touched.  It was a little bit of a bond that Ushijima reveled in, even if he had tried to keep his face blank to hide his excitement.

Reon unlocked the door to their room, and Ushijima followed him in, plopping down on his own bed as Reon gently sat down.  Ushijima heard the joints in Reon’s knees pop, and he looked over with concern, only to induce Reon’s constant assurances of “I’m fine, I’m fine. No need to worry.”

Ushijima took the next few minutes of silence to calm himself from the day, enjoying the coziness of the room.  Reon went about putting away some of his textbooks on the shelf above his bed and switching them out for new ones.  Only when the shuffling of papers stopped and Reon let out a loud sigh did Ushijima slowly open his eyes to look at his friend once more.

“You’ve been very distracted lately, Wakatoshi.  Is everything alright?” The concern in Reon’s voice was tangible, and Ushijima regretted making him worry so much, just because of his own choices.

“Have I?” Ushijima feigned confusion, not wanting to divulge the source of distraction.  Not yet.  “I suppose I might just be tired.  Practice has been running longer as we get closer to the spring preliminaries.”

“Everything alright with your mom?”

Ushijima nodded, remembering the last time he had spoken with his mother.  Sometimes they didn’t always see eye to eye, now more so than ever, but lately they had been on quite amicable terms.  As long as Ushijima kept his grades up, she was happy, regardless of anything else he was doing.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that.”  Reon grinned at him and Ushijima returned it with a soft smile of his own.  Their bedroom fell into silence again, and Ushijima closed his eyes once more when Reon didn’t seem like he was going to say much more.

A few more minutes passed before the bed Ushijima was laying on sank, letting him know that Reon had sat down beside him.

Reon’s hand was warm and heavy on Ushijima’s shoulder, and he opened his eyes to examine the look on his friend’s face.  Friendly as ever, laced with a bit of concern, as well as a hidden something that Ushijima could not quite place.

“Wakatoshi, you know if you ever have something you need to talk about, you can tell me, right?”

Ushijima nodded his head slowly, the movement impeded by the press of the pillow under his head.  “I know.”

Reon paused, eyes seeming hopeful that Ushijima would say more.  When he did not, Ushijima could’ve sworn he saw the expression on Reon’s gentle face fall before the hand on his shoulder was removed, leaving behind an empty space that quickly became as cold as the room around them.

“I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me.  About anything.  I’ll always be here for you, no matter what it is.”  Reon had told him as much before, but this time, he seemed a little more insistent.  Like he wasn’t sure if Ushijima had heard him before and he really wanted to make sure that this time, he understood.

Ushijima still hung on the word ‘ _always_ ’.  The word weighed lightly on his mind, as if it was chipping away at his hesitation to tell Reon his feelings.

But Ushijima just pressed his lips together, nodding sharply as Reon smiled so brightly at him. The bed rose as Reon stood, beginning his bedtime routine before turning off the lights and slipping under his covers.  Ushijima kicked out of his school clothes once the light turned off, knowing Reon didn’t care if he slept in his underwear and undershirt for a night. 

A heavy silence pervaded the room, punctuated with noises from the rooms around them.  But still, the only sound Ushijima could focus on was the steady breathing of his friend as he wondered if Reon had already fallen asleep.

A swift inhale of breath indicated that no, he had not yet drifted into sleep. Reon spoke again, his deep voice so clear in Ushijima’s mind that he wondered if maybe he was dreaming. “Wakatoshi… I’m serious about what I meant.  I’ll always be by your side, no matter what.”

Ushijima found himself nodding, even though Reon couldn’t see him in the dark. He whispered back Reon’s call of goodnight before turning towards the wall and closing his eyes to the pressing dark of the room.

Always.

Always and steady.

If Ushijima had to describe Reon in few words, those were two that he would undoubtedly pick.  They were words Ushijima needed in his life that no one else could provide for him, and he hoped with all his heart that Reon would remain this way for at least a little bit longer.

He could feel his resolve cracking, his hesitation to confess melting away with each assurance that Reon gave him.

But right now, he wasn’t ready to answer that always.  He wasn’t confident that his confession would be met with the same, strong commitment that he so desperately wanted.

But maybe, he thought.  Maybe Reon felt the same way as he did.

Maybe that always really meant always.

Ushijima wanted to find out, and one day, he was sure he would.

He just needed that always to hold out a little bit longer, until Ushijima found a way to ask Reon to be his maybe forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I spent 3 hours today writing this on my break between classes on a whim, and I'm actually really proud of what I've done here. I love UshiReon so much and just want Reon to love himself as much as Ushijima loves him.


End file.
